Iam the child of a pastor. Once a pastor’s kid, you’re always a preacher’s kid. If you’re a preacher’s kid, whether your parents are still in the ministry or not, people still look at you with a certain standard or eve stereotypes.
In his book, The Pastors Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity, Barnabas Piper speaks of the stereotypes often associated with pastor’ kids. He explains how they are typically left between a rock and a hard place. People in general project these expectations on children of pastors.
So how do these expectations compare to what a pastor’s kids are actually going through. Here are some of the things you may not know about pastor’s kids are thinking about their relationships with their parents.
“You Put the Church Over Me.”
Pastor’s kids feel that the mission their parents are pursuing in the name of the Lord gets put above their own needs. The feel that the love of the church and the church community is more important than being there for them.
As one PK out it, My Dad wasn’t perfect. but he did make a concerted effor to attend every single one of my soccer games. He also reminded me often that I was important to him. This helped reassure me that I was a priority in my dad’s life.
“Don’t Expect Me to be Perfect.”
We are all imperfect sinners. Pastor’s kids might not be straight ‘A’ students, they may not say all the right things, and they may make irresponsible decisions. It’s not fair to expect them to be perfect. It’s best to treat them as normal kids, expecting great things but allowing for mistakes and failures.
“I Need One-On-One Time.”
One-on-one time is key to healthy relationships. Pastor’s kids May have other siblings and have to spilt times with their brothers and sisters. Prioritizing one-on-one time with your kids will build trust and provide time to discuss in-depth about what they are facing daily. Every child is different. It is important to connect with each child on an individual level in order to help them discover who God created them to be.
“I Need Affirmationn.”
Words have so much power. Pastor’s kids, like all kids, need word of affirmation and encouragement. The words, “I am proud of you” are such strong and influential words. Pastor’s kids are scared to fall and worried that love could be conditional. Affirmation will mean more to them than you could ever know.
“I Don’t Want to go Into the Ministry.”
Many people assume all pastor’s kids want to go into full-time ministry. However, not all of them want to and that’ OK. If ministry is not where they fell called, give them the freedom to pursue other career paths. It’s important to make sure they know they can follow God wherever He leads rather than forcing them to pursue something they are not gifted in or passionate about.
“Don’t Make Me Volunteer for Every Activity/Ministry/Event.”
Burnout is real. Don’t expect every pastor’s kids to volunteer at everything. There are so many activities and events and ministries throughout the year, so give them a pass every once in a while. This will encourage them to continue to love serving rather than losing the passion they have for the church.
“My Shortcomings are not Always a Reflection of My Parents.”
Pastor’s kids make mistakes. It’s in inevitable. When they do, they need grace. Pastors also need grace when their kids make mistakes. When pastor’s kids show their weaknesses, it doesn’t always mean their parents didn’t do a good job raising them. Rather, it reveals their humanity and displays the amazing grace of second chances to learn from mistakes and work through them.
“There is a Difference Between Being a Pastor and Being a Parent.”
Pastor’s kids usually love that their parents are in the ministry helping people. However, it doesn’t mean that they want the lines to be blurred at home. Every kid needs parents who are present and not stuck in their church roles. When an accountant come home from work, they should avoid talking strictly numbers with their children. Likewise, when pastors come home, it is important for them to compartmentalize and be present with their kids and avoid bringing work home from work.
What is it that pastor’s kids want and need? They crave the same thing every kid wants, to be unconditionally loved and cared for.
NEXT WEEK: “Why Won’t You Heal Me? A Pastor’s Battle with Depression”
The Kingdom Partnership www.thekingdompartnership.us
Richard Creek; Founder & Director
402.297.6876 / RDCreek@cox.net
